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Attraction is the big X Factor in any relationship. When you have it, you don't think twice about it.

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Which would seem to indicate that if you're not wildly attracted to your boyfriend, you attractted break up with him Not so fast. Ask most long-term married couples about the relative importance of sex in their livesand they will generally say things like, "It's the dessert, change is good new friend the main course.

And it's true. It's just hard to consider that when you're By 47, your bodies have thickened and drooped.

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By 67, you're thinking of retirement, travel and grandkids. By 77, you're hoping just to stay healthy, and… Can you see how making a decision based on attraction is a perfect example of short-term thinking?

I m not attracted to my boyfriend anymore

Like getting a tattoo with someone's name on your back and breaking up four months later. In relationship studies, traditional "attraction" wears off within months of dating. That doesn't mean it's impossible to keep the spark alivebut if you ask most married couples, the nature of sex changes. Sure, you might boyfrriend that rare "three times a night" couple well into your fifties, but most of those cliches about parents not having time or energy for sex are true.

It's no secret that compatibility is a stronger predictor of relationship health than chemistry. Yet chemistry is what we chase — somehow hoping that it turns into compatibility, as.

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It rarely does. Just look at your most "passionate" past relationships.

I m not attracted to my boyfriend anymore

Where are they now? Yet, we can't help. We're attracted to what we're attracted to — often to our own detriment. Which is how men end up with hot, crazy women and women end up with hot, atttacted unavailable men. This isn't my opinion. This is life. Just look. Does this mean that you should stay with your amazing boyfriend, even if you don't feel physically i m not attracted to my boyfriend anymore to him? Ah, if it were only that simple. As you know, sexual attraction rarely grows over time.

With men, this almost never happens. With women, it tends to be correlated to her feelings about her partner. However, this lesbian blog sex presuming that there's a steady baseline of attraction from which to grow. So we discriminate on age and height and weight and dozens of minute details of which we may not even be aware. If you doubt this yourself, go to an online dating site and make a list of your "favorites.

That doesn't mean that you don't care about who they are as people i m not attracted to my boyfriend anymore what they do, what they earn, what they believe — but it all starts with attraction. The problem is that when we compare people side-by-side, great mj often lose. Why respond to the 5'5" guy when there are six-footers out there?

Why go out with the heavyset person when you can write to a lean model-type? Why go out with the year-old when you can try the year-old?

Once again, this isn't my opinion. But hey, you can't help what you're attracted to. And no, that doesn't mean you're shallow — no more than anyone.

It just means you're human. The other long-term thing to consider about why it's important to have attraction is that in a monogamous relationship.

In that case, well, you'd better have some measure of attraction. Anything less is a recipe for wandering eyes and future infidelity. Which brings us to the moment of truth.

So if you're not that physically attracted to your partner, should you stay or should you go? Because there's a difference between observing that your boyfriend's got a paunch and being physically repulsed by.

Only you can decide. If you're turned off by him, the whole thing's a non-starter.

You're not doing yourself or him any favors by staying with him if he has no ability to hot you. However, if he's i m not attracted to my boyfriend anymore in the broader spectrum — somewhere between a on the attraction scale, you may want to think twice before you toss him back in the sea.

How about emotionally? It's simple to find i m not attracted to my boyfriend anymore with others, but there's a certain grace and wisdom in loving people in spite of their flaws, just as you'd like to be loved in spite of bboyfriend. Second, ask yourself if your boyfriend — despite your middling attraction for him — can make up for it in bed. We often underestimate how rare it is to have a partner who loves us unconditionally. Very often, the second you assume the grass is greener is the second you may find yourself in an exciting new romance… with a guy who only texts you once a week.

Attraction is an intensely personal choice and is fundamental to maintaining a healthy sex life. Just don't lose sight of the fact that you're better off tto a 7 in attraction and a 10 in compatibility than you are with boyrfiend 10 in attraction and a 4 in compatibility.

Your heart needs to be happy. Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach for smart naughty woman want sex tonight Tucson who have everything but the guy. Follow Us. Sign in. Expert Blog. Evan Marc Katz. Love Ot 5, How important is physical attraction anyway?